I’m not sure how to start this, but I feel the need to share my journey, even if nobody cares to read it, because it might help me find my way to healing. So I’m just going to forge ahead and try to stop being afraid of the many mistakes I’m going to make along the way. Perfectionism–one of the many things I will be blogging about–has held me back for too long from doing too many things. I don’t want to live like that anymore. I want to go out and do, even if doing means failing. I might fail at this blog, but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t try.
These last few months have been a roller coaster of emotions for me. I am an emotional eater with a powerful food addiction. Sometimes, many times, it seems too powerful for me to ever conquer. And maybe conquest isn’t even what I should aim for or expect. I don’t know. But anyway, in my efforts to get a handle on the addiction, I was reading a book by Geneen Roth called Women, Food, and God and trying to pay attention to what emotions were leading me to eat when I’m not hungry. Well, that did it. I opened a Pandora’s Box of emotions that I have been repressing for years, even decades. This whirlwind of emotions came crashing to the surface of my consciousness. For these last several weeks, I’ve been trying to deal with all of these emotions without just pushing them back beneath the surface or drowning in them. But it’s been hard. Really hard. I have had some of my lowest lows ever in recent days, and I have wondered if I will make it through this. But I also have moments of clarity where I recognize this for what it is–an opportunity to become the person I am meant to be, and the means of strengthening my faith in and my relationship with my Heavenly Father. So maybe nobody will ever read my blog. And maybe this will be the only post I ever write. But that’s okay because the fact that I’m writing this is still a step in the right direction.